I will never forget the day I got on the plane to leave California, the place I have called my home for the entire 25 years of my life. It was a very exciting, yet very scary step. As I got on the plane, I recalled everything that I had done to prepare for the greatest change of my life...
As soon as Justin left on March 8th (only a week after he asked me to marry him) to move to Norfolk, Virginia, to start his new job at the Eastern Virginia Medical School, I begin taking it all in....I had to begin the moving process for myself....I had a little over a month to get everything done. Justin and I had plans to get married at the courthouse as soon as I arrived in Norfolk. However, I had tons to do to prepare for the move. I needed to prepare to leave a job where I had co-workers that were a great a encouragement during another big transition in my life (my divorce); I needed to donate all of my furniture and kitchenware; I needed to find a shipping company to ship my car; I needed to to buy my plane ticket; but the hardest of all...I had to prepare to leave my family and friends behind.
The first day after Justin left was the hardest. I cried thinking about all the memories we had created in Pasadena and Los Angelse during the time we were dating. Realizing that I had to say goodbye to those nostalgic places was very difficult...but I had to remind myself that new memories would be created in Virginia.
Getting rid of all my furniture and kitchenware was very difficult...I had used those things during my "single-life" after my divorce. Everything brought back memories of how I became more independent and grew more than ever during that period of time. I will never forget how I tried so hard to make my living space look "homey" and comfortable even with the little I had. I had used a card table and folding chairs (that my parents bought for me) as my dining table. Justin's and my close friends, Dave and Melissa, would come over to play games on that table...it only seemed appropriate for me to give that table and chairs to them before I left.
The room (similar to a studio apartment) I had lived in after my divorce was the back part of a house in Altadena (Pasadena) that I was renting. It had a small kitchenette (which was not well lit) and a bathroom. It had it's own private door that I accessed by going through the landlord's back yard. It was a decent room, but small. However, it brought me so much pride to know that it was "my place." I had never had my own place. Saying goodbye to that room was difficult...but I knew that I would have a "real house" waiting for me in Norfolk, where Justin was.
...I arrived in Norfolk, VA right on time on Friday, April 12th, 2012. I could not help but tear up a little at the thought that "this was it." It had been over a month since I had seen my handsome fiance. I missed him so much. I had gone through so much to prepare for moving to Virginia. I couldn't believe I did it. I had always lived in California, and I never thought I would have the "guts" to move across the country. I had seen many of my friends do it...but I never thought I could. I was so proud of myself! But knowing that I was moving to Virginia to be with the love of my life, so I knew it would be worth it.
I will never forget seeing Justin walking towards me at the airport with a bouquet of flowers. It was the best sight! It was the anticipation of that moment that kept me motivated the whole last month.
Of course Justin and I are now married and are working on our home (which we are only renting at the moment) to make it comfortable and warm. It has been so much fun! We have a puppy that we adopted the day before my birthday in April. We have the perfect little family for now. There are times where I feel extremely homesick for my California mountains and beautiful old town of Pasadena, and most of all, my family and friends...but I know this is normal. I am trying to make Norfolk my "new home." It may take a long time until Norfolk feels like my home, but I truly feel as though this is where God wants Justin and I. We have seen God bless us more than ever, and we are anxious to give back to Him!
This may be extremely corny, but I must say that every time I see a plane landing in Norfolk (since we live close to the airport), I remember the day I flew over to Norfolk to move here. It was a day filled with extreme emotions...happy and sad. It has to be one of the hardest and greatest changes of my life! Now I am here and I am excited to see what God has planned for us!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Exciting New Journey Ahead
Justin left on Feb. 20th, 2012 for an interview with the Eastern Virginia Medical School, for the position of Media Manager II. This had been his third interview since trying to look for a new job since he was told in June 2011, that he would be laid off at the end of the year. This interview was even more critical than the first two interviews he had earlier, because this time he was actually unemployed. We also talked about getting married and moving to Virginia, but we knew that those plans would be on hold until Justin got a job. When I kissed Justin goodbye at the the airport on the 20th, I couldn't help but feel so anxious and nervous for him. If he got the job, it would mean so much for him...and for us.
Justin's interview on the 22nd went so well. He told me that he spent a long time preparing his answers for certain questions, and they just so happened to ask every question he prepared for. God is so good! He also told me that they would probably tell him whether or not he got the job in a week...which would be Wed., Feb. 29th.
Almost every night Justin was gone, we talked on Skype, or at least on the phone. On Tuesday, Feb. 28th, Justin told me that he couldn't talk that night because his router broke and his parents were taking him to a play, so we just couldn't talk that night. I was so disappointed because I really wanted to talk to him. I missed him so much after not seeing him for almost a week and half (to some that is nothing, but I am just a wimp...haha). He said he would make it up to me the next day.
The next day, Wed., Feb. 29th, I woke up with the hope that Justin would hear if he got the job at EVMS. I texted him all day asking if he heard anything about the job...he said "no." However, he told me that he wanted to call me at 6:30pm. Normally that would have been fine, but I told him that I would be out with my friend Melissa (Justin's best friend's wife), and I didn't think it would be polite if I carried on a conversation with him while out with my friend. But Justin insisted that he speak to me just to "hear the sound of my voice." I didn't quite understand why he couldn't just wait till later to chat, but I gave in and told Melissa that at 6:30pm, Justin was going to call me, so I wouldn't be the best company at that time.
Melissa and I went out to Glendale because I thought we were going to go see our friend's, Sarah and Brian Heck's new baby boy. Melissa told me that she hadn't heard back from Sarah about whether or not we could actually visit, so she said we should hang out at the Glendale Americana instead.
Just as some background info., the Glendale Americana is an outdoor mall that is very pretty at night due to the lights and Frank Sinatra music playing in the background. There is a huge fountain in the center, where the water dances to the music. Justin and I have had many fun dates at the Glendale Americana, and on one special date, Justin and I spent over an hour just sitting and talking by the fountain. It was a very bonding and emotional time, so the fountain is very close to my heart.
Back to the story...When Melissa and I arrived at the Glendale Americana, she told me to go sit and wait for her by the fountain while she put in a reservation for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, which is right next to the fountain. While I was sitting at the fountain, I noticed it was close to 6:30, so I expected Justin to call. I looked at my phone, and Justin sent me a text instead. His text told me to check my email because he sent me a message. So, I checked my email on my phone (thank God for smartphones...haha)
The very first line of Justin's email, said, "I got the job at EVMS..." I could have cried right there. But then the email went on and Justin told me in the email to sit there, relax, and read the entire email. The rest of the email discussed all the reasons why he loves me and he even quoted passages from letters I had written to him over the last year. It was so beautiful. It became very emotional.
When I was done reading the email, I immediately tried to call Justin...but when I looked up, I could see Justin walking towards me. I left my phone and purse sitting on the fountain's edge, and I ran straight to Justin and gave him a huge hug and kiss! I was so happy to see him. He walked me over back to the fountain, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him. I was so excited that I don't even remember if I said "yes!"...haha. Apparently I did! ;) I do remember falling to my knees with him though because I just couldn't believe all the exciting news all at one....Justin got the job, I got to see Justin after he was gone in Virginia, and best of all, he asked me to marry him!
Apparently, Justin found out he got the job the day before...the reason why Justin couldn't call me the night before was because he was on his way back to California on a plane. He called his best friend, Dave (Melissa's husband) and asked him to pick him up at the airport. Melissa was also asked to be a part of the "grand scheme" by taking me out that night.
After Justin proposed, Dave and Melissa ran out to congratulate us. Then we all went to celebrate at the Cheesecake Factory. It was a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful night!
I am so excited that God has blessed me with such a wonderful man who loves God and is my best friend. We have both faced unfortunate pasts that we wish we could change...but God works through unfortunate and sad times to create new beginnings that will ultimately glorify Him. Our story is an example of that!
Justin's interview on the 22nd went so well. He told me that he spent a long time preparing his answers for certain questions, and they just so happened to ask every question he prepared for. God is so good! He also told me that they would probably tell him whether or not he got the job in a week...which would be Wed., Feb. 29th.
Almost every night Justin was gone, we talked on Skype, or at least on the phone. On Tuesday, Feb. 28th, Justin told me that he couldn't talk that night because his router broke and his parents were taking him to a play, so we just couldn't talk that night. I was so disappointed because I really wanted to talk to him. I missed him so much after not seeing him for almost a week and half (to some that is nothing, but I am just a wimp...haha). He said he would make it up to me the next day.
The next day, Wed., Feb. 29th, I woke up with the hope that Justin would hear if he got the job at EVMS. I texted him all day asking if he heard anything about the job...he said "no." However, he told me that he wanted to call me at 6:30pm. Normally that would have been fine, but I told him that I would be out with my friend Melissa (Justin's best friend's wife), and I didn't think it would be polite if I carried on a conversation with him while out with my friend. But Justin insisted that he speak to me just to "hear the sound of my voice." I didn't quite understand why he couldn't just wait till later to chat, but I gave in and told Melissa that at 6:30pm, Justin was going to call me, so I wouldn't be the best company at that time.
Melissa and I went out to Glendale because I thought we were going to go see our friend's, Sarah and Brian Heck's new baby boy. Melissa told me that she hadn't heard back from Sarah about whether or not we could actually visit, so she said we should hang out at the Glendale Americana instead.
Just as some background info., the Glendale Americana is an outdoor mall that is very pretty at night due to the lights and Frank Sinatra music playing in the background. There is a huge fountain in the center, where the water dances to the music. Justin and I have had many fun dates at the Glendale Americana, and on one special date, Justin and I spent over an hour just sitting and talking by the fountain. It was a very bonding and emotional time, so the fountain is very close to my heart.
Back to the story...When Melissa and I arrived at the Glendale Americana, she told me to go sit and wait for her by the fountain while she put in a reservation for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, which is right next to the fountain. While I was sitting at the fountain, I noticed it was close to 6:30, so I expected Justin to call. I looked at my phone, and Justin sent me a text instead. His text told me to check my email because he sent me a message. So, I checked my email on my phone (thank God for smartphones...haha)
The very first line of Justin's email, said, "I got the job at EVMS..." I could have cried right there. But then the email went on and Justin told me in the email to sit there, relax, and read the entire email. The rest of the email discussed all the reasons why he loves me and he even quoted passages from letters I had written to him over the last year. It was so beautiful. It became very emotional.
When I was done reading the email, I immediately tried to call Justin...but when I looked up, I could see Justin walking towards me. I left my phone and purse sitting on the fountain's edge, and I ran straight to Justin and gave him a huge hug and kiss! I was so happy to see him. He walked me over back to the fountain, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him. I was so excited that I don't even remember if I said "yes!"...haha. Apparently I did! ;) I do remember falling to my knees with him though because I just couldn't believe all the exciting news all at one....Justin got the job, I got to see Justin after he was gone in Virginia, and best of all, he asked me to marry him!
Apparently, Justin found out he got the job the day before...the reason why Justin couldn't call me the night before was because he was on his way back to California on a plane. He called his best friend, Dave (Melissa's husband) and asked him to pick him up at the airport. Melissa was also asked to be a part of the "grand scheme" by taking me out that night.
After Justin proposed, Dave and Melissa ran out to congratulate us. Then we all went to celebrate at the Cheesecake Factory. It was a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful night!
I am so excited that God has blessed me with such a wonderful man who loves God and is my best friend. We have both faced unfortunate pasts that we wish we could change...but God works through unfortunate and sad times to create new beginnings that will ultimately glorify Him. Our story is an example of that!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
My Personal Battle With Anxiety
Last night was the last straw for me. I was out enjoying Valentine's Day at a fancy steakhouse with my AMAZING boyfriend who is so precious, loving, and caring, but I could barely eat. For some reason, as soon as I looked at the menu, I feared getting nauseous. I feared smelling heavy food and getting sick to my stomach. I ordered a glass of wine and drank three glasses of water, hoping to calm myself down, but it just didn't work.
The waiter brought us our filet mignons...they were covered in a creamy sauce and gravy, and gnocchi underneath. To a normal non-vegetarian, this would look delicious, but I instantly became more fearful that I would be sick to my stomach. As soon as I took one bite, a sense of nausea raced to my stomach. It was like the food triggered it. I slowly tried to eat my steak but I could barely do it. I told Justin how I was feeling and he felt so bad for me, as he always does. I explained to him what was going on in my head and how I knew my fear of nausea is so irrational. But it just didn't help...I couldn't convince my brain that I was fine.
I am so mad at myself for my irrational fears and allowing my anxiety and fear of nausea to interfere with my daily life. This had happened just a few weeks ago when Justin and I went out to a restaurant with our dear friends. I had spent the whole day that day putting together an article (I am in HR, so I have to prepare safety awareness articles) based on heart attack symptoms, specifically for women. I had read that nausea is a heart attack symptom for women, as well as chest pain. That week, I had been diagnosed with costochondritis (inflammation located where the ribs and sternum meet...nothing serious...just goes away over time) so I was already experiencing some chest pain when we went out. As soon as we entered the restaurant, a huge feeling of nausea overcame me. While we were looking at the menu, I looked at Justin and told him how I was feeling. He put his arm around me and said, "Baby, it just your anxiety. How can I help you?" (He is such a sweetie pie...haha). Our friends Dave and Melissa could tell I wasn't feeling well, and reassured me that what I was feeling was just in my head. I told them about my fear of a heart attack and how my anxiety was causing nausea. As soon as I started talking to them about my problem, my fear and anxiety left..but my appetite did not come back until hours later.
There are many other events when nausea came on just from me feeling anxious. My anxiety developed just two years ago when my previous marriage was falling apart. I think what had happened, was I realized that I was out of control of my life. I felt like the worst can happen to me because that is what was happening in my marriage. By the time my marriage ended, my anxiety had become fully developed and I have dealt with it since. I always think the worst is always going to happen. My symptoms include nausea, a fast heart rate, a lump in my throat, and tremors.
The most annoying thing is that my nausea is just worsened naturally when I am facing anxiety because I have a fear of vomiting. I had a horrible episode in 2010 when I thought I was going to die because I was vomiting so bad and felt so out of control. Since then, anytime I begin to feel nauseous, I become very fearful, and it just intensifies the anxiety. I tend to connect heavy food to nausea, so when I go out to restaurants, I sometimes fear that I will just get sick.
All of this is in my head, and I am DONE with it. I have decided that I don't want to only rely on anxiety-relieving medication to help....I am going to get counseling. I want to enjoy my life and everything that I have to look forward to. I love my boyfriend so much and I am so excited about our future together...I do not want my mental problem to interfere with us enjoying our times out together. I love my life, and I don't want any regrets!
The waiter brought us our filet mignons...they were covered in a creamy sauce and gravy, and gnocchi underneath. To a normal non-vegetarian, this would look delicious, but I instantly became more fearful that I would be sick to my stomach. As soon as I took one bite, a sense of nausea raced to my stomach. It was like the food triggered it. I slowly tried to eat my steak but I could barely do it. I told Justin how I was feeling and he felt so bad for me, as he always does. I explained to him what was going on in my head and how I knew my fear of nausea is so irrational. But it just didn't help...I couldn't convince my brain that I was fine.
I am so mad at myself for my irrational fears and allowing my anxiety and fear of nausea to interfere with my daily life. This had happened just a few weeks ago when Justin and I went out to a restaurant with our dear friends. I had spent the whole day that day putting together an article (I am in HR, so I have to prepare safety awareness articles) based on heart attack symptoms, specifically for women. I had read that nausea is a heart attack symptom for women, as well as chest pain. That week, I had been diagnosed with costochondritis (inflammation located where the ribs and sternum meet...nothing serious...just goes away over time) so I was already experiencing some chest pain when we went out. As soon as we entered the restaurant, a huge feeling of nausea overcame me. While we were looking at the menu, I looked at Justin and told him how I was feeling. He put his arm around me and said, "Baby, it just your anxiety. How can I help you?" (He is such a sweetie pie...haha). Our friends Dave and Melissa could tell I wasn't feeling well, and reassured me that what I was feeling was just in my head. I told them about my fear of a heart attack and how my anxiety was causing nausea. As soon as I started talking to them about my problem, my fear and anxiety left..but my appetite did not come back until hours later.
There are many other events when nausea came on just from me feeling anxious. My anxiety developed just two years ago when my previous marriage was falling apart. I think what had happened, was I realized that I was out of control of my life. I felt like the worst can happen to me because that is what was happening in my marriage. By the time my marriage ended, my anxiety had become fully developed and I have dealt with it since. I always think the worst is always going to happen. My symptoms include nausea, a fast heart rate, a lump in my throat, and tremors.
The most annoying thing is that my nausea is just worsened naturally when I am facing anxiety because I have a fear of vomiting. I had a horrible episode in 2010 when I thought I was going to die because I was vomiting so bad and felt so out of control. Since then, anytime I begin to feel nauseous, I become very fearful, and it just intensifies the anxiety. I tend to connect heavy food to nausea, so when I go out to restaurants, I sometimes fear that I will just get sick.
All of this is in my head, and I am DONE with it. I have decided that I don't want to only rely on anxiety-relieving medication to help....I am going to get counseling. I want to enjoy my life and everything that I have to look forward to. I love my boyfriend so much and I am so excited about our future together...I do not want my mental problem to interfere with us enjoying our times out together. I love my life, and I don't want any regrets!
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